The last few days have been a volcanic activity of sorts within my body. Both my stomach and my mind had been raging, and I was busy spewing lava through my sullen moods. My unfortunate husband was the target of my spill. And I am not surprised that he is running away from the home for the next few days.
For as long as I have known, I have been quite the powerhouse of controlled anger, and uncontrolled mood swings. But this kind of vortex of the whirlpool called my emotions was something that I had not imagined would take place. While I was busy with my anger, sadness and depressive state, I was also wondering why I was behaving that way.
Of course, my physical health was affecting my mental health and I am now caring for my inner organs like I have never cared before. But, at the same time, there was the question of an idea of the vice versa – was it my mental health that was affecting my physical health?!
But how can that be?
We know that emotions begin in two places – the stomach and the brain. Both these places release chemicals that can make or break us, depending on how kind or cruel we are to ourselves.
An unhealthy gut will automatically lead to a depressive mental state. If this is a fact, then why cannot the opposite be true too?! Wouldn’t unhealthy thoughts lead to disturbances in the body. After all, it is the brain that is in charge of the healthy functioning of the rest of the organs.
And since thoughts stem from the brain, it would automatically mean that unhealthy thoughts would in turn lead to a disfunction of sorts in the body.
That simple, uh?
Yes, it is as simple as flipping a coin. Which brings us back to my negative state of mind. So, where was my vortex of emotions leading me into?
The answer to my question lies in my unconditional love for the onion.
For the last two years, I have been peeling myself like we peel an onion. I have been on a journey of self-awareness and introspection. And, through the experience of my “negative” emotions, I was crying throughout the trip.
Now, where did all this emotion come from? My experiences of the world of course.
Our experiences of the world stimulate our neural connectivity and release brain chemicals. If our experiences are good, we feel happy; and if our experiences are bad, we feel sad. If what we experience is a continuous series of unhappy situations, then we get into a pattern of “negative” thinking which in turn set off our emotions.
At the last leg of my onion peeling activity, I am left staring at the last piece of the onion. It is myself.
It is the self that lay hidden beneath all the layers of unhappy experiences over the several years of growing up. My experiences had led me to towards feeling pity, depressed and angry for myself, because of a deep sense of worthlessness.
As I stand here, looking at myself as a little girl, I realize what childhood is filled with – it is filled with the beauty of innocence and truth. It is also filled with the beauty of love, hope and trust.
The last piece of my onion is filled with the other side of me.
And so, the flip of the coin!
What negativity leads us towards is a deep desire to change. And change is like flipping the battery over. The charge moves from negative into positive.
And now, after my volcanic eruption, all I can see around me, are flowers springing from the dust. The world calls it imagination. But I call it, healing.
Here’s to discovering the positive side of our “negative” emotions! And here’s to discovering the real you through the layers that the outside world has covered you with!